From Complaining to Contemplation: Finding Living Water When Faith Feels Dry
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I hate to admit it, but the First Reading is like looking into a mirror. Moses has moved the people from slavery to freedom, but all they do is complain. “Is God in our midst or not?”
This has totally been me at different points in my life, especially when I was a novice in my community. When I first discerned the call to religious life, I felt very close to God, but then, bam! Following that call landed me into the quiet of the novitiate, and it was so quiet! I felt isolated and disconnected from God. My first response was to complain. “How could you lead me here, God, and then just abandon me like this?” In my uncertainty and discontent, it was easy to blame God for my unhappiness.
And now I’m in a very different space in life, but honestly, I still have the same complaint from time to time. After being in ministry for years now, I’ve also been on the receiving end of other people’s complaints. Ugh. But how can I mind that, when I’m prone to complaining myself? Sorry, God. That constant complaining must be so annoying.
I do know by now that my spiritual life has its natural ups and downs. When I stop complaining, I’m better able to accept what’s going on and notice God’s presence. There are some circumstances I can change – and I need to be challenged to grown and make improvements where I can. But there are other things that just are what they are. I don’t mean that to be defeatist, but more acceptance in a loving way.
A theologian named Walter Burghardt, S.J. describes contemplation as taking a “long, loving look at the real.” Some of my unhappiness it is in my own head – how I think about the circumstances of my life. When I resist, complain, deny, and wish things were different, I only increase my unhappiness. When I accept what’s real and become present to it, and even love it, I eventually find God. As a novice, I finally accepted the quiet of the space and the struggles I was working through, and I could see that God was, in fact, with me. That’s still a good lesson for me.
Christ calls us to be present to what is, not resisting but seeking God in all things. In fact, that’s what I see Jesus doing as he talks with the woman at the well in the story from the Gospel of John. Like the people in the First Reading, the woman is thirsty, but unlike them, she’s not complaining. She does have some questions, though: Why is a Jew asking her for a drink? How can he give her living water if he doesn’t have a bucket? Who is this guy?
She doesn’t know who he is, but he knows her. He knows she’s been married and rejected several times. He knows she’s marginalized in the community, since she’s there alone at noon. He knows her, and she lets herself be known – not denying, not hiding. Both of them are present to the reality of her life and circumstances. And then Jesus allows her to know him for who he really is – the messiah, the Christ, the one who is to come. As she moves from their encounter to call the community to come and see, she becomes more than who she was. She becomes a prophet and a disciple. He stirs up hope in her, and she is changed.
Our Second Reading assures us that “hope does not disappoint,” but as things in the US and in the world are so tumultuous and violent, it may be hard to find hope. I don’t know about you, but I’ve already spent plenty of time wishing things were different. However, I notice that when I stop wishing and accept what is, I’m better able to deal with circumstances and to seek God in them. Also, when I’m present, I can notice God’s call more clearly, and I can respond, working to change that which can be changed. In the moment, we can’t necessarily see the good that God will bring, and so we have to hope. And we can trust that creating life from death, hope from despair, and light from darkness is what God does.
We are imperfect and circumstances are hard, but God loves us. God is present in the reality of who we are. God is certainly in our midst. When we are present to reality instead of resisting, we catch a glimpse of who God is too. We open to God, and we allow God to make us more: compassionate caregivers, thoughtful neighbors, faithful disciples.
For Reflection
Have you ever gone through a hard time and wondered whether or not God was with you? When you look back now in hindsight, where was God? Was God in your midst, or not?
When you stop to take a long, loving look at the real in your life, what do you see?
How is God with you right now, in this moment, at this time in your life?
By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP
Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a vibrant spirituality ministry building community in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. A Sister of Divine Providence, she holds a Master’s in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. Sister Leslie guides retreats, offers spiritual direction, and nurtures vocations within her community. Passionate about helping people encounter God in everyday life, she delights in meaningful conversations, dancing, spicy food, and seeking God in all things.