Is There a Perfect Community?

This First Reading from Acts of the Apostles makes community sound so wonderful, doesn’t it? The community of believers was of one heart and one mind. They share everything in common and no one is in need. The apostles bear witness to the resurrection. Everyone seems happy. And I can tell you that, for Catholic Sisters, community is exactly like this.

Okay, just kidding; it’s not like this. In fact, I don’t think any community anywhere is like this. People tend to be of different hearts and minds and don’t think and feel the same way at all. Even people who are alike, people who come from the same family, the same faith tradition, the same political party, don’t agree on everything. Sometimes we don’t agree on anything. This first Christian community, though, is of one heart and mind. Wow.

Community is something that I reflect on a lot, partly because of my life and partly because of my job. I serve as the vocation director for my community, so sometimes I go to events and answer questions about being a sister. And every time I’m on a vocation panel, someone asks these questions: What’s the best thing about religious life? And what’s the hardest thing about religious life? And it seems like no matter who answers those questions — me or another sister or a brother or a priest — the answer is always the same for both questions. Community. It’s the best thing and the hardest thing about religious life.

I don’t know this for sure, but my guess is that the answer is the same if you ask someone who’s married or single: What’s the best thing about your life and the hardest thing about your life? I bet the answer is some version of community — my marriage or family or friend group or spiritual community is the best thing and the hardest thing. You all who are married or single can let me know how you’d answer those questions. :)

Why is community, our relationships, the best thing and hardest thing? And if it’s so hard, why do we keep doing community?

Community is the best thing because humans are made for connection and intimacy. In those rare moments where we feel seen and heard and understood, when we feel a oneness of heart and mind with each other, that feels wonderful. When we stand before the loving gaze of another person, free and loved in the fullness of who we are, we experience the unconditional love of God. To be loved like that brings us to a wholeness, to a holiness. That’s when love feels good. That’s when love and relationship feel worth the effort. However, getting there is not easy.

That’s why community is difficult. We love very imperfectly, and so we don’t always see and hear each other. We don’t always understand each other. Sometimes we don’t communicate well. We hurt each other, inadvertently and sometimes on purpose. All our personal difficulties and incompleteness and brokenness come out in our relationships. We take things personally that are not personal. We dump our personal stuff onto those persons who didn’t cause our pain. Sometimes we don’t put in the energy we need to in relationships, and sometimes we disengage, even with people we love.

And yet, even in all its imperfections, community is good. It shows us God’s love and compassion and mercy and forgiveness. When we care for each other, we know that Christ is present. Maybe that sounds pie-in-the-sky and pious. And maybe it is, because when our relationships are not in a good place, when our community is not healthy, it’s painful. There are times when it’s so unhealthy that a relationship must end, or a community must disperse, and people need to start again.

I think members of that first Christian community knew that too. Maybe they had a nice honeymoon period of one heart and one mind, but then there were arguments about the rules, about who could be in and who had to stay out and what people had to do to stay in. There were power struggles. Tensions eased. Tensions grew again. Unfortunately, the Christian story involves one church split after another. I think the members of those communities did what they did in good faith, and I’m sure the Spirit was in the mix somewhere, but so was their very real human woundedness. And egos.

Here we are today. I don’t really know where this world-wide, splintered, beautiful Christian community is going. Some people are persevering in it, and some are parting ways with the whole thing. Some are parting ways with the institution but not with Christ, and they continue to live their faith and spirituality in different ways and contexts, maybe with different communities. I don’t know what that means for other institutions, like religious life, for example. But we’re still here, praying, serving, living into our mission, striving to live community.

In our Gospel for this Sunday, Jesus’s little community is huddled together in the upper room, afraid to go out, afraid to do anything. Who knows how they are with each other in that small, locked space, awash with their feelings of fear and grief? Maybe they’re calmly supporting each other. Maybe they’re at each other’s throats, blaming and accusing. Maybe they’re just sitting silently in shock and disbelief. But then the risen Christ shows up in their midst. He offers them peace. He offers them peace again, and then he sends them. And they still don’t leave, so he appears a week later and sends them again. He keeps showing up and offering peace.

We who are still persevering in Christian community, in one way or another, need the same thing, don’t we? We may or may not be locked together in a room, metaphorically speaking, but we need Christ to show up and give us peace. And we need that over and over and over. When we are not of one heart and one mind, when we aren’t holding our lives in common, and when we’re not loving each other as Christ loves us, that’s when we need to open ourselves to the peace of Christ and extend it to each other.

Christ is in our midst and remains with us. That’s how community is possible. That’s why it’s good, even when it’s hard. And the wounded Body of Christ perseveres together to love and serve the world, bearing witness to the resurrection too.

For Reflection:

• When you think about the communities to which you belong, what have your experiences been like?

• Have you ever had an experience when you felt heard and seen and understood, cared for and loved? What was that like? How was God in that for you?

• Have you ever experienced conflict in community? Or hurt? Or misunderstanding? What was that like? Were you able to resolve it? How?

• How are you experiencing God’s love in your life right now? Maybe you could take some time with God, listening and opening, and try to notice God’s love and presence.

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Board of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, meaningful conversations, and her community, of course!