The Holy Ghost Will Never Ghost Us

Happy Pentecost! I love this feast of the Spirit, with all its drama and wind and flames and proclamations in different languages. Yes, this feast is fire. A long time ago, I made my first vows as a Sister on the Vigil of Pentecost, which felt kind of fitting for a fiery troublemaker like me. And the Holy Spirit has been with me ever since.

The Holy Spirit has been with me, but the reality is that it was with me before that, and with each of us, whether we celebrate Pentecost in a special way or not. For me, the Spirit is the most enigmatic Person of the Trinity, and for most of my faith life, I didn’t think too much about it (or him, or her, or them. I don’t know the Spirit’s pronouns. The Spirit might defy pronouns). I guess I assumed the Spirit was with me, but it wasn’t someone I sought out or prayed to or considered very much. And yet, when I look back now, I can see evidence of its presence with me.

My relationship with the Spirit shifted when I studied spiritual direction. There was something about it that was personally challenging to me, and it certainly deepened my prayer and my relationship with God. Honestly, though, I think it was my struggle with imposter syndrome that really forced me to turn to the Spirit, admittedly out of desperation more than faith. When I was directing my first retreat, I was terrified. I had already had two years of training, but I didn’t feel prepared to walk with directees on retreat. I remember getting things set up before the retreatants arrived and thinking, “Oh my God, how can they let me do this? I have no idea what I’m doing! What if I ruin their retreat?!” But I was at the Creighton Retreat Center, way out in the remote cornfields of Griswold, Iowa. There was no retreating from this retreat.

Imposter syndrome is not usually a positive thing. I mean, it’s all about inadequacy and lack, and so it doesn’t lend itself to trust in myself. However, knowing that I’m in a situation in which I cannot be entirely self-reliant is not a bad thing. Recognizing my inadequacy helped me to turn toward God’s total adequacy and more than adequacy. In our training, we were always told that God is the real spiritual director, and we’re just present to listen and ask questions that help the other person to move toward God. Entering into that retreat, I realized what that meant. I was just there to listen, to welcome, and to love, and I had no choice but to trust the Spirit to do the rest.

And I can tell you that when I sought adequacy, what I received was abundance. Beautiful, astonishing abundance. Each of my retreatants was very different from the other, and each needed very different things. When the Spirit showed up, it brought what each one needed. I had a very clear sense that I didn’t know what they needed. For me to tell them or anyone what they need is some kind of arrogance, but allowing the Spirit to bring what it would was meaningful to all of us. Sitting in the quiet with them as the Spirit emerged, well, that tender, loving presence working in their hearts and minds was moving to me too.

Since then, I’ve gotten a little bit better about trusting the Spirit, noticing its movement and waiting for it to show up. I try to pay attention to where it’s guiding me, and I do that in imperfect ways, but I’m growing. I confess that, even after experiences of its presence with me, I do still worry that the Spirit might not come, and there are moments when I forget about the Spirit entirely and try to be self-reliant again. But inspiration doesn’t work like that, and I should know better. Every time I have to give a talk or write this reflection or do something else that seems hard, I still get a little anxious. What if I have nothing to say?

Sometimes ideas come more easily than at other times, but the Spirit always shows up in some way. And, when it comes to retreats or reflections or things like that, the Spirit works on both sides – mine and other people’s. I feel the Spirit with me when I write and when I share, but the Spirit has to show up in the heart of the receiver too. It’s an active, participatory dynamic. I have that experience too, and whenever I encounter something that inspires me, I can feel the Spirit stirring within me. I know this happens when I’m on the sharing end because people have quoted me back to myself with things I’m certain I never said. Whatever they heard was meaningful to them, though, so who cares if I said it? The Spirit helped them to hear what they needed to hear. And this confirms what we know of the Spirit from our reading from Acts, that the Spirit can and does speak to each person in the distinct ways each of us can hear it. Isn’t that wonderful? Thanks be to God.

So, our disciples in this reading, and in all the readings throughout this Easter Season, have encountered the Risen Christ, and now they will go forth to encounter the Spirit. They may have times of fear, wondering if they’ll know what to say or do. Leaders of this community might wonder where it’s going or what to do in response to people and their needs. They may wonder how they will all stay inspired, but the Holy Spirit always shows up for them.

The Holy Spirit always shows up for us, too. The Spirit seems to me to be the wildest Person of the Trinity. After all, the wind blows where it will and sparks fly where they may, right? We can’t predict the unpredictable or steer the tempest or even the slightest breeze. But we can wait for it, trusting that somehow, in the wind or the fire or the abundance or the subtle quiet, the Spirit is present to us, loving and guiding us forward.

I’ll close with an excerpt from the lovely sequence we sing on Pentecost. As we pray this together, may we open ourselves to the wild, abundant presence of the Spirit. Come, Holy Spirit, come.

O most blessed Light divine,
Shine within these hearts of yours,
And our inmost being fill.

Where you are not, we have naught,
Nothing good in deed or thought,
Nothing free from taint of ill.

Heal our wounds, our strength renew;
On our dryness pour your dew;
Wash the stains of guilt away:

Bend the stubborn heart and will;
Melt the frozen, warm the chill;
Guide the steps that go astray.

On the faithful, who adore
And confess you, evermore
In your sevenfold gift descend;

Give them virtue’s sure reward;
Give them your salvation, Lord;
Give them joys that never end.

Amen. Alleluia.

For Reflection:

• From your own experience, can you think of a time when the Sprit has shown up for you? A moment of inspiration, guidance, care? What was it like? What was the Spirit like?

• How easy or difficult is it for you to trust that the Spirit will emerge when you need it? What helps you to trust more deeply in the work of the Spirit?

• Maybe you could take some quiet time with the Spirit to feel its promptings, to hear its voice as it speaks to your heart and mind. What’s its invitation for you? What wild abundance does it have for you right now?

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She enjoys music, dancing, the joy of the resurrection, and Pentecost fire!