Do We Owe Each Other Love? Written Reflection 6.3
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“Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another.”
What caught my attention in our readings this week was this line from Paul’s Letter to the Romans. Is love something we owe other people? I’ve been pondering this question all week.
I prefer to think of love as a gift – something we offer freely to other people. Saying we owe it to people makes it sound like an obligation, and I’ve tried to leave behind faith as an obligation a long time ago. I’m not always successful, but I’m on the journey.
What does it mean to love? I asked myself that question too, and what came up was the Catechism of the Catholic Church definition I learned from some theology class somewhere some time ago: to love is to will the good of another. When I first encountered this definition, it sounded like the most sterile, boring, unloving thing ever. My love for people, friends and family and sisters, is not impersonal and detached. It’s full of warmth and tenderness and squishy feelings. I can say, though, that I do want all good things for the people I love – happiness and fulfillment and safety. When I think about loving people I don’t know, especially people having hard times, people living in pain or poverty or fear, I do want better things for them. Love also looks like service, but when I can’t do anything concrete to help and I pray for people, willing their good is what I’m doing – holding them in my mind and heart before God who also desires all good for them.
This line from Romans is part of a larger discussion about the law. For the Jewish faith, the law, handed down from God in covenantal love for God’s people, is of utmost importance. Paul is arguing that when we love, we are fulfilling all of the law and the commandments, commandments that Christians follow too. I’m with him on that. When we love people, when we will their good, we don’t covet their stuff or their relationships, we honor our parents, and we love our neighbors. We ultimately love God, which is itself the fulfillment of the law. And do we owe that to people? I’m still not sure.
Our reading from the Gospel of Matthew talks about how to get to reconciliation when we’re in conflict with each other. When there’s a disagreement, Jesus tells us to go and work it out directly with the other person first. If that doesn’t work, we bring a couple other people into the conversation, and if that still doesn’t work, we bring it to the whole community. Eventually, we can treat the person like a “gentile or tax collector.” but I bet that doesn’t need to happen that often. If we really enter a process of reconciliation with care, willingness to have hard conversations, genuine listening, and love, resolution happens most of the time. Sometimes things can’t be resolved, and Jesus recognizes that, but he also challenges us to try to work it out before we cut someone off.
And then Jesus tells us “‘for where two or three are gathered together in my name, there I am in the midst of them.’” Interesting that this often-quoted line follows a discussion on conflict. How we love each other in this life, according to Jesus, is directly related to the afterlife. And it all connects to how we are with each other before God when we pray.
Christ is with us in the warm fuzzy moments and also the hard times when we’re in conflict, times when we may still love each other but may not like each other too much. No matter how we come together, Christ is there. So, do we owe love to each other? Well, since Christ is there in the midst of us, within you and me, and since Christ loves everyone in that mix, yes, I think we do owe each other love – even and especially when we don’t feel like it.
The other piece of this is that we owe it to ourselves to love. When I don’t show up in a loving way, when I’m acting out of anger or hurt or fear and I don’t have in mind the good of another person, I’m not my best self, nor am I following Christ well. Nor am I loving God well. However, when I show up in a loving way, not just to the people I’m close to, the people I like and have tender feelings for, but strangers and people I don’t like very much, I’m better for it. Does that mean I give over everything and become a doormat? Of course not. Loving my neighbor as myself means that I also will my own good, and being a doormat is not good for anyone. Love and compassion and care are grittier than the niceties that come with life as a doormat.
I hope I can offer love as a gift I give freely and wholeheartedly. God certainly loves us like that. God doesn’t owe us a single thing, but God gives love abundantly, generously, and fully. Of course, I’m human and limited and certainly not always as freely giving of love as God is. So, for those times when it’s hard to love, I owe it to myself and to other people to try to love as best I can, maybe not because of who they are but because of who I am (or want to be). I owe people love because of who God is.
When we show up together in love and care as best we can, there Christ is in our midst. Thanks be to God.
For Reflection:
How have you dealt with conflict in relationships? What helps you to love the person during those times? How is God with you when you’re struggling through conflict?
How do you love others when you’re at your best? How is God with you?
What resonates with you in all this? What’s God’s invitation for you?
For Reflection:
How have you dealt with conflict in relationships? What helps you to love the person during those times? How is God with you when you’re struggling through conflict?
How do you love others when you’re at your best? How is God with you?
What resonates with you in all this? What’s God’s invitation for you?
By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP
Sister Leslie Keener, CDP is the director of God Space, a vibrant spirituality ministry building community in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. A Sister of Divine Providence, she holds a Master’s in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. Sister Leslie guides retreats, offers spiritual direction, and nurtures vocations within her community. Passionate about helping people encounter God in everyday life, she delights in meaningful conversations, dancing, and spicy food along the way.