Do You Belong?

This Sunday’s readings look like they’re about leprosy, but they’re really about the universal human experience of exclusion and belonging.

 I’m sure people found ways to reject each other before there was leprosy, but this is marginalization of biblical proportions – it occurs all through Scripture. Once people were declared unclean, they also became outcasts. “The one who bears the sore of leprosy shall keep his garments rent and his head bare, and shall . . . cry out, ‘Unclean, unclean!’ . . . He shall dwell apart, making his abode outside the camp.” So, in the Gospel, when Jesus heals the person with leprosy, he doesn’t just cure him of the disease; Jesus restores his place in the community. No wonder he can’t keep quiet. When you go from being an outcast to belonging again, how can you not shout your joy from the rooftop?

Belonging is a human need. Early on, our very survival depended on it, and even though we may have the illusion of independence now, the need for belonging is still true of us. It’s as much of a need as eating and sleeping, and yet, it seems like people aren’t meeting that need. I’m not sure why that is, but I keep hearing about people’s loneliness, disconnection, and exclusion. These all lead to feeling like we don’t belong, but I think exclusion and disconnection are actually two different things.

 In terms of exclusion, well, the person whom Jesus heals in the Gospel doesn’t just feel like he doesn’t belong; he’s literally cast out from the community, forced to announce his presence so people can flee from it. Leprosy isn’t the issue nowadays, but unfortunately, we’re still leaving people out. People today are excluded from community because of being unhoused, because of poverty, because of addiction. There are also subtle ways that we reject people, telling them, “Of course you belong. All lives matter,” but in reality, they may have limited access to resources, limited possibilities, even basic safety. Marginalization in our day might not be based on a skin ailment, but it’s based on skin color, race and ethnicity, gender and gender identity, body size, ability, where one comes from, the language we speak. This kind of exclusion is painful, and it harms individuals and whole groups of people. It’s something that we can see happening, and we’re called to work against that kind of othering. More on that in a minute.

What about another kind of disconnection, though? That which doesn’t come from being shut out by other people, but the kind that comes from within, from that voice inside that tells us we don’t belong because we’re not good enough, that we’re not worthy? I hope everyone doesn’t have that voice to contend with, but I know people who, from all outward appearances, look like part of a community but who struggle to feel like they belong. I’ve known kids in the classroom who struggled with low self-worth and college students who appeared to have a lot of friends but who felt alone. I know people in religious communities who feel like that, who, as vowed members, officially belong but feel like outsiders in community. What do we do about this? That critical voice that says we’re unworthy is certainly not coming from God.

 As people of faith, our invitation is to work against both kinds of exclusion. Some of that will look like advocacy for marginalized people, ourselves or others with whom we ally ourselves. Of course, we’re called to work for justice, for equity. I also think we’re called to work on the other, more internal kind of belonging. Some of that will look like welcoming people, pulling up another chair at a table, encouraging, listening. Some of it will look like doing our own personal inner work because this kind of disconnection can’t necessarily be fixed or helped by someone else. Feelings of worthiness and belonging have to come from within.

I know I quote her all the time, but Brené Brown has super helpful things to say about this. She said this in an episode of her Unlocking Us Podcast a few years ago, and it has stuck with me ever since: “We have got to stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that we don’t belong. We will always find it because we’ve made it our mission.” Quoting from her book Braving the Wilderness, she defines true belonging as “the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself so deeply that you can share your most authentic self with the world. . . . True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.”

So, belonging is not about fitting in; it’s about being the person God created me to be. No one else can help me with that kind of belonging; it’s up to me, and it’s hard work. Especially in my younger years, I spent a lot of energy contorting and conforming into someone that I thought others would prefer. I thought that if I were just smarter or thinner or prettier or more confident or nicer or [fill in the blank], people would like me, and I’d feel like I belong. However, meeting other people’s expectations will never give a sense of belonging. Just more loneliness. Belonging isn’t about other people; it’s about feeling at home in myself. I need God’s help to do that. I need God to reassure me, to let me know that God loves me as I am. I’m free to be myself before God, and the more I am myself before God, the more I’m reassured by God’s love, and the more I feel at home in myself.

I wonder if Jesus ever struggled with any of this. I think he did. At the end of the Gospel, we’re told that the person with leprosy proclaimed his healing widely, “so that it was impossible for Jesus to enter a town openly. He remained outside in deserted places.” Everyone wants to come and see Jesus. He’s a popular guy! But those seeking him out want something from him; they don’t want to just be with him. Popularity is not the same as belonging, and we see that Jesus stays outside the circle of real belonging. Maybe that’s why he gathers the friends around him that he does, the oddball weirdo sinners that are his intimate circle. They don’t care if he’s popular. They don’t want something from him. They just love him, and they know who he is.

Maybe we can be like Jesus in this. If we surround ourselves with other people who are free to be themselves, we can be free to be our quirky selves too. And vice versa — if we are our quirky selves, others feel free to be themselves with us too. We can gather around each other, all of us oddball weirdo sinners, not for validation but for the sake of community. I think about a lot of the people who are closest to me, my friends and community, the people with whom I feel a sense of belonging. We keep it real. We’re all a little unique, maybe even eccentric, in charming ways, of course. We belong to ourselves. We belong to each other.

My community has a prayer called the Act of Abandonment to Divine Providence, and there’s a line in it that asks God, “Bring me into the fullness of being that you have destined for me from all eternity.” The more that I, and we, live and grow into the fullness of being to which God calls us, the more we belong to God and ourselves. When we belong like that, we’ll find belonging wherever we go.

P.S. There’s a song that I’ve been listening to on repeat, one that just speaks to so much of this, so I’ll share it with you too. It’s a lovely acoustic rock ballad by Shinedown called “A Symptom of Being Human.” Hope you love it too.

 P.P.S. And if you’d like to pray more about this, here’s a lovely prayer service offered by the Leadership Conference of Women Religious.

 For Reflection:

• Have you ever had an experience of being excluded, of not belonging, of feeling unworthy? How did you deal with that? What was it like? Looking back, can you recognize God’s love for you, even though you didn’t feel included by others?

• Have you ever had an experience in which you could be yourself, when you felt free and loved and appreciated for who you are? What was that like? How was God in that experience with you?

• As you reflect on all of this, what does God have to say to you? Is there a call or an invitation for you? What is it?

By Sister Leslie Keener, CDP

Leslie is the director of God Space, a community-building spirituality ministry in Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky. She’s a Sister of Divine Providence with a Masters in Ministry and a Certificate in Spiritual Direction and Retreats from Creighton University. She directs retreats, meets with people for spiritual direction, and serves as the vocation director for her community. She also serves on the Coordinating Council of Spiritual Directors International. She enjoys music, dancing, and meaningful conversations.